This poster has chosen to remain anonymous.
I was married for 3 years when my ex-husband and I decided that we wanted to be parents.
Three years and lots of medication and medical procedures later, our marriage ended in divorce with no hope of ever having children. It was unforeseen, and painful.
However, three months after my divorce I was pregnant from a man who I had been dating for one month.
It was life changing!
I found out that I was pregnant at the same time that my Mother was undergoing treatment for her breast cancer. It was also the same time that I was writing my final exams.. but that same day, my boyfriend decided that he was not ready to be a father. So there I was, pregnant, newly single (AGAIN), divorced, a part time nurse to my Mother, a full time working woman and a student, all at the same time.
My son is almost 4 years old.
Since I became a Mommy, I have had plenty of different kinds of experiences. I have wiped snot noses with my bare hands, I have also wiped up vomit that smells like sour milk with my best t-shirt of all time and didn’t even flinch.
I have moments with my son where nothing else in the world exists. When we lay down together and I put him to sleep, he insists on laying in my arm. The smell of his hair and skin in those moments, takes me to another place. When I trace his face and count his little fingers and toes, I count them each as blessings.
The part of being a single Mother that is hardest, is when the time of the month arrives when school fees needs to be paid. the time of the year when clothing needs to be bought.
He is growing so fast.
Being a single mom is hard when he comes home from school with a raffle list that must be filled with R1000. When he begs me to buy him toys. When the medical aid chows the bank balance. And when I sit up in the middle of the night with a sick little boy who cannot even lift his arms because of a fever. When I have to wash bedding in the middle of the night because of a sick little boy who cannot hold his vomit. When I have to sleep on a towel on his bed because he is wetting the bed. When I have to pack him and myself up and go sleep on a hard old chair in a hospital room for a week. Those are the moments I am cursing his Father.
Because being a single Mother means no financial support from a Father who is almost 40 and has never been able to hold down a job. No emotional support because he is an emotional wreck on his own. So I silently carry the burden, that I consider a blessing most days.
Being a single Mother is almost always being the bad guy. Because when you send your son to his Father, he holds the house hostage and his demands are met. But when he comes home, a different set of rules apply and Mommy is not the “fun” parent.
Because Mommy has rules.
Times are hard when you finally meet someone you think you can have in your life and have to think about how this will affect the little person. Are you making the right decision?
How many stories appear in the media of “boyfriends” raping and killing Mommies babies because they failed to be a good judge of character?
My sons father is a loser.
But I have to give the man credit for dedicating all his free time to our son, and for trying his best to be a good father despite his (financial) shortfalls. He is also my sons blood and I am assured he would never hurt our boy… intentionally.
At this time, I have been in a stable relationship for two years. I have assessed my boyfriend’s behavior with my son. By now, I can definitely say for sure that his love for my son is real. But can you blame me for always having nasty thoughts in the back of my mind with all the news in the media.
I do not think my boyfriend will ever hurt my son, but then again, that is something all these other women also probably thought.
Being a single mother, is second guessing the man in your life. It is protecting your baby the best way you can. Its working hard to give him the best in life. Sometimes it’s having to give him only the necessities so that more important things can be better later in life. I never grew up with much, but it made me a better person. I don’t believe in spoiling children, they must know the worth of EVERYTHING! They must know that there are children who are worse off than they are and that they are entitled to nothing. You will only have what you work for. That is my firm belief, but my son, has a way of wrapping me around his little finger.
And every now and then, he gets exactly what he wants despite my logic telling me otherwise.
My entire world revolves around him.
And knowing he will be my only child, creates a fear within me. The need to protect him from any harm is always present.
Being a single Mother, means being ready to hurt anyone who hurts my child. Or anyone who stands in the way of him being the best version of himself at all times.
Even though I am comfortably in a relationship and even though I may marry again, I will ALWAYS, for the rest of my life, identify as A SINGLE MOMMY.